Farming 101

Let me preface this by saying that I am not a farmer.  I can't tell you how to properly fertilizer your fields or what you should spray to kill thistles.  I couldn't fix a piece of machinery if my life depended on it and I have absolutely no desire to learn.  That being said, I feel as though I know more than a little about animal handling facilities.  Not only because I'm a vet, but because I grew up working with farm animals.  So to start off my Farming 101 course, here are a few definitions.

Hinge: Gates hang on them so that they may swing freely, in one or both directions.  A secondary use is for bruising arms, shoulders, knees, and shins. 

Gate:  Used to separate groups of animals. They can also be used to keep animals in a particular area, or out of an area.  Like your snooty neighbor's yard.  A third use is to allow people and vehicles to easily get in and out of particular areas without climbing over the fence.  Note: If not on hinges, a gate is simply a panel and should be considered immobile.

Fence: Stationary structure to contain animals.  May be present outside as a property boundary or indoors to make small areas (aka pens or stalls). Should be composed of sturdy materials (wood, not plastic) and attached firmly to both the ground and the other sections of fence.  Note: gates resting on the ground and functioning as panels can be placed as if they are fence but will not work successful if challenged by anything stronger than a ground mole.  All fences should, at some physical point, possess a gate (on hinges.)

Barn:  Large structure for containing animals, feed, and/or machinery.  Consists of walls, a roof, door(s) or gates (on hinges), and a floor.  Interior structures include, but are not limited too: sturdy stalls or pens (with gates [on hinges]), overhead lights (with bulbs), and at least one electrical outlet.  Configuration of these components is at the owner's discretion.

Concrete: A nice flooring alternative to M.U.D.  (manure, urine, and a little bit of dirt.) Can be scraped down, hosed out, and generally kept clean.  Not to mention it is solid and thus the animals (and humans) won't sink in to their knees making movement much easier.  This substance should be used both inside the barn and around the outside of the barn (aka the barn yard) where animals will be shuffled back and forth between sections of fence.

Roof: Part of the barn used to keep rain and snow off things (animals, veterinarians, feed materials, ect) inside the barn.  Anytime a hole appears in this structure, it should be properly repaired in a timely manner.

Squeeze chute: Metal structure essential for doing anything to a cow.  These are available for purchase fully functional and are worth the money.  Attempting to create on of these by yourself out of scrape wood will result in incorrect proportions, non-functional gates (aka panels or fence), and the inability to accomplish even the simplest task in a timely manner.

That is our lesson for today ladies and gentleman.  Next time we will cover basic signs of disease and distress, when to call the vet, and why you should not get your medical advise exclusively from the feed truck driver.