Tears

Tears are a part of the job.  Some owners will cry at the drop of a hat, even on happy occasions, but usually it's a sad situations when the tears come out.  Euthanasia is part of the job but sometimes I think that veterinarians are very unprepared to deal with the owners when that time comes in an animal's life.  For me, it usually comes down to preparing them for what is going to happen to the best of my ability and then hoping I've read them correctly when it comes to offering support after the fact.

There are several types of tears, when it comes to an owner saying goodbye to a pet.  There are the quiet, dignified tears that trail down the cheeks and are gracefully wiped away.  The snuffling/snotting tears that make it difficult to understand what they are trying tell me . Hiccup tears aren't super common, but they happen.  Wavering-voice tears can be primary, or a secondary effect of quiet/dignified tears and usually mean that the person is struggling to hold it together, but is determined to at any cost.  Probably the most dramatic tears are the throwing themselves on the ground and/or body and screaming, "WHY??????????????" tears.  And no, I'm not joking about that last one.  I've had to deal with that three times - once in the middle of a muddy field in the pouring-down rain.  They don't teach that anywhere in the vet school curriculum. 

The last type of tears, is the one that is the hardest to deal with.  I'm still not sure what to do with the man-tears.  When my female clients cry, I feel that they appreciate me acknowledging their pain and talking with them for a bit after the fact.  Men are different - and I've determined that they are three rules of man-tears.  First, they absolutely do not want to cry.  Second, they really do not want to cry in front of a girl. Third, when they do cry (and they will), in front of a girl, they don't want it acknowledged.  That third component is what makes me feel weird because I'm never sure how to...exit the scene.

Today I made another man cry when I euthanized his first horse, and he held true to all three rules of man-tears.  I hated that I had to make him cry, but for personal (selfish) reasons along with the usual ones.  My client was single, around 30 years old, about 6 feet tall, dark blond hair, green eyes, a nice summer tan, and horseman muscles.  You know, Julie-kryptonite.  To seal the deal, he had a very light German accent.  That's right, not just hot - European hot.  But there is no coming back from the fact that I made him cry.  It is something that can't be overcome.  I saw him cry and he'll never get over that.