The Leg Lamp

I am not a fa-la-la-la Christmas fanatic.  I won't put the tree up until December and it comes down by January 2nd.  I buy my Christmas cards for the following year in January from bargain bins, and spend the entire year maintaining lists of gift ideas for the various people in my life so that I don't have to stress about what to get someone with the holidays breathing down my neck.  By the time Black Friday rolls around, most of my shopping is either already done or will be completed online.  Getting me into a mall or large retail store after Halloween is damn near impossible since I do not feel that people throwing elbows over discount electronics and toys is an appropriate celebration of the holiday season.

The downside of the whole situation is when you find that most perfect gift for someone and purchase it a couple months before the gift-giving opportunity.... and then the someone decides that they will no longer be a part of your life....  you may be stuck with a gift that is subsequently homeless. 

Meet the Leg Lamp.
 
This iconic item from the "A Christmas Story" movie is actually available for purchase.  Don't get too excited, I did not purchase the full sized version.  But I did buy a scaled down version desktop size.  It even came in a cardboard box printed like the box in the movie.  It was as gloriously tacky as I could have dreamed and was destined to be the most perfect Christmas gift I had ever found.  Until, well.... you can guess.

BUT, by the grace of the Ebay gods, today I was notified that the abandoned little Leg Lamp has found a home.  As a special Christmas gift to the anonymous Ebay member, I am going to ship them their package overnight for no extra charge.  I wish them the very merriest of Christmases and hope that their last-minute (in my opinion) purchase gets a lot of smiles on Christmas morning.  I think that's the least the Leg Lamp deserves, don't you agree?

*Ring*Ring*

9pm

"Hi, this is Dr. Dawson, I got a call about your bull.  What's going on tonight?"

"I think my bull has tetanus."

<silence>

"Okay... why do you think he has tetanus?  What is he doing?"

"Well, my friend says he thinks he has tetanus."

"But what is he doing?"

"Well I don't know, I'm on the road.  But my friend thinks he has tetanus because he can't chew his food."

"I'm going to need a little more information.  Can you tell me more about him?"

"He's 6.  Or 7.  Maybe.  I led him in from the field this evening.  But he couldn't eat feed."

"Oh so you were with him earlier.  It doesn't sound like a typical case of tetanus, but it could be something like listeria.  Or another infection affecting his face nerves.  He probably should be started on high doses of antibiotics and anti-inflammatories."

"Well yeah, I was there early this afternoon.  That's when I saw that he couldn't eat.  So I called my friend and he says he thinks the bull has tetanus.  So about 2 hours ago I called Dr. M (doctor from another practice), and he said he would call me back in the morning."

"I can't tell you for sure what is wrong with him without examining him.  Is he caught up in the barn?  Do you have a chute?"

"Nope, no chute.  No stanchion either."

"You said you led him to the barn, is he halter broke?"

"Nope, never had a halter on.  He lets me come up to him and scratch his back though."

"So you have no chute and he is not halter broke.  Have you ever given him a shot?"

"Nope, but he's pretty gentle as long as you scratch his back."

"Things tend to change when you start poking animals with needles.  Just out of curiosity, what did Dr. M have to say about your bull?"

"He said a lot of fancy words that I can't remember.  There was one thing he said though... Lee-something.  Oh, I know.  That cantaloupe disease!"

"Listeria?  Yes I mentioned that as well.  I think the best thing would be for you to wait for Dr. M to call you in the morning.  Because I can't treat him if he's not restrained."

"You know, I think there may be some foul play involved.  I think someone came in the field and set out to hurt him.  And now he can't eat.  And my friend really thinks he has tetanus."

"I suppose anything is possible.  You have a good night sir."